What comes to mind when you think of the term virginity?
Our American society has given us numerous ambiguous definitions…
Dictionary.com:
Urbandictionary.com:
The above websites both offer very different perspectives of the term, clearly showing that there is no existing explicit definition. Dictionary.com provides the "safer" definitions that represent the most widely accepted and used explanations of the word. But looking at urbandictionary.com, a site aimed to providing current popular cultural views of words, you can immediately see differences. These "definitions" have been submitted by users and represent the most popular of the site. You can note the numbers of "thumbs-up" and "thumbs-down" in response to each of them.
Where do these multiple definitions come from? How has our culture facilitated these explanations? I personally have trouble defining the word myself- and after looking at the definitions above am left more in confusion. The first definition by urbandictionary implies differences in the value of virginity between males and females- a culturally implemented view. All women are proud to have their virginity but men are ashamed of it? To me this just doesn't make any sense. This makes it seem that your virginity is something that defines you as a person, which it clearly does due to our country's sexual scripts, but what's frustrating is the fact that that this is even the case! When has having sex become something to be proud or ashamed of, and why has that come to mean something different for women and men? The second definition offers an entirely contrasting view, which I also have some serious problems with. This definition says that virginity is rare, "believing in morality and true love"- so does that mean that people who have lost their virginity don't believe in morality and true love? This same definition implies virginity is associated with self-contol and presence of mind-- WHAT?! I feel like this insinuates that if a person loses their virginity and acts on their sexual desires that self-control has been lost, which is definitely not the case. Is this reflective of our views as a country regarding sexuality and being sexually expressive? The third most popular definition is short, but says a lot. Is virginity a big issue or a little issue? I would certainly say it isn't a little issue if there are so many different views regarding virginity.
Losing your virginty can be one of life's most significant moments, never to be forgotten. These first sexual experiences certainly can vary across gender, orientation, and are entirely contextual. In today's society, losing your virginity has become a stigmatized rite of passage- a seemingly necessary component of growing up "normally" and in synchrony with the rest of one's peers. Sure, our country has become more open to sexuality but clearly there is still this stigma attached to virginity that generates these definitions.
I want to know what you guys think! How would you personally define virginity and what it means to be a virgin? What do you think about and how did you react to the definitions provided above? How then, does being or not being a virgin influence relationships?
- Jared G.
Picture reference:
http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/2012/02/15/three-red-foods-you-should-be-eating/
There is definitely a stigma attached with having/losing your virginity. One of the definitions I find interesting is the Urban Dictionary one that indicates that women are proud to have and men are ashamed to have. A few years back, I remember my dad telling me this about sex, "girls are sluts and boys are players." Even in conversation, he always encourages my brothers to go for the girls. It's a twisted and unfortunate double standard. I agree with you Jared, sex does not reflect someone's character, and it's a shame that our society holds these views.
ReplyDelete-Katherine S.
Katherine, I definitely agree with the fact that this double standard exists in terms of boys and girls losing their virginity, and it really is a shame. This is just one factor that has lead to the ambiguous definitions that circulate around us everyday and until we as a society can find some way to eliminate or drastically modify the sexual scripts that we have created I think we just have to recognize the confusion and unjust differences in gender norms and try our best to learn/grow from them.
DeleteWhile all six of the definitions posted above spark counterarguments in my mind (particularly our culture's constant construction of gender double standards) the dictionary definition of "virgin" as "the state or condition of being pure, fresh, or unused" really stuck out to me. I think the gender double standard comes into play a lot when our society equates never having had sex with being pure and particularly with being unused. When was the last time in mainstream media that a guy was portrayed as being less fresh and less used after his first sexual experience?? I think that as long as our culture continues to portray beginning one's female sex life as being used and one's male sex life as "becoming a man" the definition Katherine mentioned in urban dictionary will continue to be the current popular cultural view.
ReplyDelete-Hannah B.
Hannah, similar to how I replied to Katherine (above) I couldn't agree more on this doubt standard! When guys lose their virginity it really isn't seen as something being lost- it's just something that was eventually going to happen. But with girls it's different, as if something very valuable has been lost. I personally think virginity IS something very valuable and I think that regardless of gender that the importance of virginity shouldn't matter, that is relies on the individual context. The importance of virginity remains with the individual him/herself.
DeleteI really like the definitions for virginity that UrbanDictionary provided. I think its interesting that it shows all of the aspects of what the word means to our generation rather than just telling us the "textbook definition" like Dictionary.com.
ReplyDeleteRight!? Urbandictionary is really a neat sight for getting a different perspective on things! I remember discovering it in middle school and now I use it for a lot of different things!
Delete-Jared G.
I feel like virginity is whatever you define it as. The term virginity is so complex because it is seen as a synonym to the word "purity" or at least society's perception of virginity. This way of thinking stems back to the idea that sex is dirty, especially for women. However, this is also a very heteronormative way of looking at sexuality and loss of virginity. In many spheres, two women having sex is not considered sex. Also if someone has sex without consent, are they considered not virgins?
ReplyDeleteAnita, you bring up an excellent point, and the other day I was actually talking to two of my female friends who have been in a committed relationship for almost two years and I asked them when they considered their virginity to be lost and I got varying responses. One response: "Technically, I'm still a virgin. I have been penetrated by a penis and therefore I am a textbook virgin. But I myself lost my virginity when we [referring to the other girl] first had sex." And the other response: "I consider losing your virginity to be less physical and more spiritual. I think you can lose your virginity more than once, and with more than one person.. right now, I'm not a virgin." I was shocked at their responses but very satisfied. I should have expected varying responses having learned that virtually everyone views virginity as something different. This just supports the fact that defining virginity really is contextual, and to answer your question I personally would say yes, if someone has sex without consent they are still a virgin, but technically speaking they wouldn't be. This is where things get blurry and it really depends on the individual in question- what he/she feels to be the truth.
Delete-Jared G.
The definitions above that the Urban Dictionary provides show a true relfection on how our generation understands virginigty which is kind of problematic. No one should be ashamed to be a virgin, but no one should be ashamed of not being a virgin. I think virginity and being a virgin differs from person to person, so as for a general definiton, I find that a little difficult.
ReplyDeleteBeanca, couldn't agree more! It is definitely problematic and worrisome as well. Losing your virginity should be an experience of pleasure and intense gratification- not one that is shameful. Again, individual context is how I view the process of attempting to define virginity as well.
Delete-Jared G.
I agree with what you said in the post, virginity is really one of the most confusing aspects of sex especially as an adolescent girl. Growing up as a there was always this weird dichotomy about loosing your virginity and it relates to the whole virgin vs madonna idea. If you still were a virgin you were considered a prude but if you had lost it you were a slut.
ReplyDeleteI thought the urban dictionary posts were really interesting, each one reflects our varying social beliefs and expectations surrounding virginity. The one that stood out to me the most was "a big issue over a little tissue". FIrst of all this post is interesting because it focuses on only the female aspect of loosing virginity, I'm assuming the tissue is referring to the breaking of the hymen. It really made me think about why it is such a "big issue". When i lost my virginity it wasn't as if i was a different person i felt the same. However, from that moment on certain expectations about my sexuality changed. I feel like when i lost my virginity i was labeled as sexually active and this came with the belief that i was going to start having sex on the regular. In actuality i didn't have sex again until about 6 months after loosing my virginity. So why do we have these beliefs? i think it all stems from the way our society views sex.
Indigo M